Empty
by Denizen of Shadows
Summary: Ari doesn't want to feel empty anymore. One-shot songfic, tribute to Ari. Because poor Ari deserves some love.


**(AN: Yes, I am alive! This is just a really short oneshot about Ari's POV, but it's a start.)  
****Disclaimer: Maximum Ride is owned by the almighty James Patterson, not me. The Song , 'Pain', belongs to Three Days Grace.**

_Pain, without love  
Pain, I can't get enough  
Pain, I like it rough  
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all_

You're sick of feeling numb  
You're not the only one  
I'll take you by the hand  
And I'll show you a world that you can understand  
This life is filled with hurt  
When happiness doesn't work  
Trust me and take my hand  
When the lights go out you will understand

Ari dug his fingers into his scalp, feeling the dull, familiar pain of morphing, feeling his nose elongate into a muzzle under his fingers. He felt the itch of fur sprouting out of his skin, felt his teeth sharpening and lengthening, fingernails growing into claws and drawing blood, but none of that mattered. None of that mattered when that great, yearning emptiness he felt in his chest was reminding him every second how unwanted he was, how disgusting he was, how much of a _freak_ he was. The proof of that was staring him right in the face, every single day, in the way his father ignored him, instead pining after that _Maximum Ride_ and her flock. In the eyes of his father, Ari couldn't do anything right, and Maximum could do nothing _but_ right.

_Pain, without love  
Pain, I can't get enough  
Pain, I like it rough  
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all  
Pain, without love  
Pain, I can't get enough  
Pain, I like it rough  
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all  
_

Ari tipped his head back and howled, a low, desperate, desolate sound. He curled his fingers tighter, digging into his skin, tasting the salty tang of tears as they ran down his face. He could feel small pinpricks of pain, he knew the pain was there, but it still didn't matter. It didn't matter because Ari could feel the grief, the agonizing emotional pain because he was only seven, only a kid, and he was here under the uncaring moon howling and weeping and _hurting_, and his father wasn't here holding him._  
_  
_Anger and agony  
Are better than misery  
Trust me I've got a plan  
When the lights go off you will understand_

Pain, without love  
Pain, I can't get enough  
Pain, I like it rough  
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all  
Pain, without love  
Pain, I can't get enough  
Pain, I like it rough  
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing  
Rather feel pain

Ari sobbed, dropping to his knees, cradling his head in his hands and pressing his face into his knees. His face creased as his broken cries wracked his body, mouth open and eyes screwed shut. He pressed his wrist into his mouth, trembling. He gulped in some air between sobs, then bit down, the coppery taste of blood filling his mouth. He held on tightly, feeling the blood dribble down his chin, waiting intently for the pain to make its sluggish way to his brain.

I know (I know I know I know I know)  
That you're wounded  
You know (You know you know you know you know)  
That I'm here to save you  
You know (You know you know you know you know)  
I'm always here for you  
I know (I know I know I know I know)  
That you'll thank me later

Ari fell sideways with thump, whimpering in relief as the pain finally hit. He released his jaws from his arm and pressed his face into the dirt, focusing on the pain until he wasn't aware of anything but the pain. Because he'd rather feel the pain then the burning emptiness. Physical hurt was so much easier to deal with.

_Pain, without love  
Pain, can't get enough  
Pain, I like it rough  
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all  
Pain, without love  
Pain, I can't get enough  
Pain, I like it rough  
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all  
Pain, without love  
Pain, I can't get enough  
Pain, I like it rough  
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all  
Rather feel pain than nothing at all  
_

Ari didn't want to feel like this. He didn't want to end up like this, slumped on the ground with tears streaking his face and blood running from a self-inflicted wound. He hadn't wanted to end up looking like a werewolf reject when he'd agreed to be turned into an Eraser, not even looking fully human when he wasn't morphed. He'd done it because he wanted to be like the flock, he wanted his father to hold him, to love him like he'd done before he'd taken the flock away. But all he'd done was turn himself into a big hulking mess, in almost constant pain, and his father hadn't even recognised what Ari had done. And Ari didn't know what to do anymore, didn't know what was going to happen in the future. All Ari knew was that he didn't want to feel empty anymore.

_Rather feel pain..._

**(AN: So, there it is! Pretty short, but that was as far as my attention span would take me. So, R&R please!)**


End file.
